It Happens...
Per request of a Wise Ol' Owl. DISCLAIMER: It's full of swears. DISCLAIMER TWO: It's better than the version I posted before...
Shit Happens ... in various professions:
Mathematician: Shit happening is just a special case...
Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
Physicist (Theoretical): Shit SHOULD happen.
Physicist (Experimental): To within experimental error, shit DID happen.
Engineer: I hope this shit holds together.
Chemist: I hope this shit doesn't blow up. Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and...SHIT!!!! This shit stinks!
Biologist: Is this shit alive?
Economist: I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.
Proctologist: You can learn a lot from a shit. \Just look at this shit! Everything is shit. Shit!
CEO: (1980's) I've got all the shit I want. (1990's) Oooh, SHIT!
Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Surgeon: Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
Psychologist: Shit is in your mind.
Programmer: It's shit, but at least it compiles.
Social Scientist: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
Waitress: You want fries with that shit?
Musician: This shit is out of tune.
Dean: Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
Accountant: Why doesn't this shit add up?
Quality Control Inspector: This shit ain't good enough.
IRS Auditor: I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.
Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.
Mafia boss: Rub the little shits out.
NYC Cab Driver: Damn, looks like I hit that shit...
Artist: If Jesse Helms likes it, it is shit. Mark Kostabi is a talentless shit. Shit, I wish I thought of that. Sorry, tonight I'm giving a performance and must roll in this shit. Big Eyed Children Art is shit. (Unless it's a picture of Anna) Anything you can buy for $2.99 isn't art, it's shit.
Poet: My childhood was shit, let me share. (Four hours worth of debate about shit) My last shit, hangs there on the wall...
Painter: I forgot to wash out my brush, now it's all shit.
Politician: My Fellow Americans, All I stand for is shit. No New Taxes! I will fix this shit more efficiently than my opponent. My opponent is a shit. I did not do any of those shitty things. I did not inhale that shit.
Dog: All I do is eat, sleep and shit. That is not my shit in the corner. It is the cat's. I did not chew the shit out of your bedroom slippers. This Alpo tastes like shit.
Cat: Why do I have to shit in this smelly pan? Let me sleep, you pathetic shit. Stop feeding me shit, I want caviar. I think I am great and you are shit.
Snake: If I got out of this cage, you'd shit. I'm gonna squeeze the shit out of you.
Boss: Your work is shit. You may only shit during coffee breaks. I think we can get away with this shit.
Teacher: Repeat after me: one shit + one shit =? Custer's last words were "Shit..." My salary is shit. These children are little shits.
Botanist: What this daisy needs is some fresh shit.
Punk rocker: Everything in the universe is shit. (UK) The Queen is shit! All cops are shit.
Royalty: When they hear about the Windsors, we're all in deep shit. Camilla is a shit. During the polo match, he got covered in shit. Would you like some scones with that shit?
Cook: It needs some more of this green shit. I burned the hell out of that shit. This tastes like shit. I can't believe they ate all that shit. Don't eat the parsley, you stupid shit.
Model: I can't believe I must wear that shit. Shit, it's a zit. You can't pay me enough to sleep with that shit. Paulina treated me like shit yesterday. Going on interviews is shit. This makeup artist made me look like shit. When I wake up, I look like shit just like you do.
Mechanic: This carburator is a piece of shit. Shit...this will cost a lot, mister.
Acupuncturist: This will really get the energy shit moving. Hold still or it will hurt like shit. You eat too much greasy shit. Let all that shit go.
Creep: I'm not a shit, you are! Shit on you.
Postal Worker: Let's see how much they'll pay for shitty service. Will they pay ... $0.40 for one shitty stamp...hmmm???? In rain, sleet, snow, shit and dark of night. These Sears catalogues are heavy as shit.
Technician: The problem is not in the wires, your machine's shit. Viruses are shit. You want that in In english? "O-shit!"
Boiled Owl: This is some funny shit.
Shit Happens ... in various professions:
Mathematician: Shit happening is just a special case...
Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
Physicist (Theoretical): Shit SHOULD happen.
Physicist (Experimental): To within experimental error, shit DID happen.
Engineer: I hope this shit holds together.
Chemist: I hope this shit doesn't blow up. Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and...SHIT!!!! This shit stinks!
Biologist: Is this shit alive?
Economist: I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.
Proctologist: You can learn a lot from a shit. \Just look at this shit! Everything is shit. Shit!
CEO: (1980's) I've got all the shit I want. (1990's) Oooh, SHIT!
Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Surgeon: Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
Psychologist: Shit is in your mind.
Programmer: It's shit, but at least it compiles.
Social Scientist: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
Waitress: You want fries with that shit?
Musician: This shit is out of tune.
Dean: Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
Accountant: Why doesn't this shit add up?
Quality Control Inspector: This shit ain't good enough.
IRS Auditor: I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.
Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.
Mafia boss: Rub the little shits out.
NYC Cab Driver: Damn, looks like I hit that shit...
Artist: If Jesse Helms likes it, it is shit. Mark Kostabi is a talentless shit. Shit, I wish I thought of that. Sorry, tonight I'm giving a performance and must roll in this shit. Big Eyed Children Art is shit. (Unless it's a picture of Anna) Anything you can buy for $2.99 isn't art, it's shit.
Poet: My childhood was shit, let me share. (Four hours worth of debate about shit) My last shit, hangs there on the wall...
Painter: I forgot to wash out my brush, now it's all shit.
Politician: My Fellow Americans, All I stand for is shit. No New Taxes! I will fix this shit more efficiently than my opponent. My opponent is a shit. I did not do any of those shitty things. I did not inhale that shit.
Dog: All I do is eat, sleep and shit. That is not my shit in the corner. It is the cat's. I did not chew the shit out of your bedroom slippers. This Alpo tastes like shit.
Cat: Why do I have to shit in this smelly pan? Let me sleep, you pathetic shit. Stop feeding me shit, I want caviar. I think I am great and you are shit.
Snake: If I got out of this cage, you'd shit. I'm gonna squeeze the shit out of you.
Boss: Your work is shit. You may only shit during coffee breaks. I think we can get away with this shit.
Teacher: Repeat after me: one shit + one shit =? Custer's last words were "Shit..." My salary is shit. These children are little shits.
Botanist: What this daisy needs is some fresh shit.
Punk rocker: Everything in the universe is shit. (UK) The Queen is shit! All cops are shit.
Royalty: When they hear about the Windsors, we're all in deep shit. Camilla is a shit. During the polo match, he got covered in shit. Would you like some scones with that shit?
Cook: It needs some more of this green shit. I burned the hell out of that shit. This tastes like shit. I can't believe they ate all that shit. Don't eat the parsley, you stupid shit.
Model: I can't believe I must wear that shit. Shit, it's a zit. You can't pay me enough to sleep with that shit. Paulina treated me like shit yesterday. Going on interviews is shit. This makeup artist made me look like shit. When I wake up, I look like shit just like you do.
Mechanic: This carburator is a piece of shit. Shit...this will cost a lot, mister.
Acupuncturist: This will really get the energy shit moving. Hold still or it will hurt like shit. You eat too much greasy shit. Let all that shit go.
Creep: I'm not a shit, you are! Shit on you.
Postal Worker: Let's see how much they'll pay for shitty service. Will they pay ... $0.40 for one shitty stamp...hmmm???? In rain, sleet, snow, shit and dark of night. These Sears catalogues are heavy as shit.
Technician: The problem is not in the wires, your machine's shit. Viruses are shit. You want that in In english? "O-shit!"
Boiled Owl: This is some funny shit.
posted by Sarah at 12:01 PM
10 Comments:
You're right. It's even funnier now. Especially the last one. Ohhahahahaha. I'm falling part over here. (wink one eye... wink the other eye... pull down semi-opaque eyelid flaps)
Almost sounds like someone was taping one of my conversations.
Hey Toad. ¿Que Paso, Vato Loco?
Whaddup wit cho blog, maing?
Did you get the letter from our lawyer?
OIC. Toad has a new topic now.
Karl Rove, no less.
He's back in action, hoppin' mad.
Go get 'em, dude.
Toad, you can find your subpoena under the comments section of Spinfly's posted Weekend Pictures.
Nice one Skoogy... now the blog smells bad. shame on you. I'm out-a here!
(sniffs)
Smells like roses.
Skoggle, yeah, like roses...
as in "Who dropped a rose?"
Also sounds funny...
as in "Who stepped on a duck."
What a load of _________ !
anony,
Precisely.
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