Some of you know Myspace, Some of you dont...

I asked a friend THE question:

"Who would win in a battle of epic proportions between Pirates and Ninjas?"

his responce was so good that he posted it as a bulliton...

here it is:

Dear Friends,

Recently I was asked about my opinion on a vital topic concerning our national and cultural security. Being the thoughtful and reflective person that I am, I carefully considered the matter and bring the fruits of my mind here to you, my reader.

"Who would win in a battle of epic proportions between Pirates and Ninjas" Spinfly asks...

Hmm, after researching the topic for awhile, using the film, "Hook" and the greatest show ever, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"... I have developed the following postulations.

1. Ninjas have really cool uniforms, but nothing is cooler than a wooden appendage.

2. Pirates often lust after treasure, whereas any ninja lusts after blood, and buckets of it.

3. Ninjas have those cool throwing star thingees, but any Pirate worth his salt can shoot a flintlock pistol. With an eyepatch. On a ship.

4. Bill Cosby is really stupid. Why did we ever like that guy? I mean, anyone can strut around and look stupid. Look at Mick Jagger. Or Gallagher. I mean, isn't it amazing that someone actually paid money to him for his special brand of "comedy"? What's going though your mind as you sign a contract with Gallagher? Probably the same thing going through the minds of anyone who bought an Amigo after seeing those stupid commercials.

5. Ninjas rely on stealth and cunning. Pirates rely on bravado and cunning. The two cunnings cancel each other out, and "B" for bravado comes before "S" for stealth, alphabetically, so I would say the Pirates win this one.

6. Any good Pirate Captain has a cool pet, like a monkey or a parrot. Ninjas on the other hand, if they deign to co-exist with an animal, have wierd trading card anime type creatures that usually have super powers and un-pronouncable names.

Parrot: "Polly wanna cracker"

Ninja Trading Card Anime Pet: "Get ready for my super-ultra lucky fun conspicuous roundhouse battle kick! Yearrrrrrrggghhhh!"

So, I'd say the Pirates win this one.

7. Pirates have a girl in every port. Ninjas have the disembodied heads of their defeated enemies to comfort them at night. Ninjas win this one hands down.

8. Pirates say cool things like "Ahoy, Matey!" and, "Shiver Me Timbers!" Ninjas say a bunch of stuff in japanese that I don't understand. They get "cool" points, but if they're pissed at me, I want to know about it, since they get real sneaky sometimes.

9. Ninjas get a point for authentic Ninja names like Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo.

10. Pirates often gloat and give long "walking-the-plank" speeches to their victims. If you know a Ninja wants you dead, it's already too late.

11. All Pirates and All Ninjas bow to the Supreme Might and Authority of Voltron, Because His Individual Feline Pieces are Much Mighter and More Masterful than All Pirates and All Ninjas. However, if Chuck Norris arrived, all bets are off. The world is not prepared for a battle between Chuck Norris and Voltron. The concept of this battle alone should make you weep and tremble.

So, as you can see, in the aforementioned epic battle between Ninjas and Pirates... it's close, but the Pirates would win. However, it would be a sad thing for the world to be deprived of either demographic group. Plus, with our luck, the anime trading card creatures would survive and we'd have to take them to the humane society. I mean, who would want a pet that requires you to draw a card from a deck when you want it to take a leak?



Thank you for your attention concerning this urgent matter.