TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM BAD 80'S MOVIES

Smart people wear thick glasses, button-down shirts, and slacks.

Dumb people wear football uniforms.

Everyone in high school was having sex except you and the class valedictorian.

Your dog is way smarter than you.

France is populated entirely by attractive young women and Gerard Depardieu.

Every Southern town has a fat redneck sheriff named "Smokey."

Mexico is populated entirely by vacationing frat boys.

Parents always come back from vacation a day early.

There are no ugly prostitutes.

It's only possible to win any sporting event in the last three seconds of the game.

Cheerleaders hate having their shirts on.

The best way to escape your enemies is to drive on the wrong side of the road.

A student who's failing every class can still rig up an elaborate device to answer his phone when he calls in sick.